The first phrase to avoid is “They’re in a better place now.” Although it may come from a caring or spiritual perspective, it can unintentionally dismiss the pain someone is feeling. Instead, something as simple as, “I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m here for you,” can offer support without trying to explain the loss.

Another phrase is “At least they lived a long life.” No matter someone’s age, losing a loved one can still be deeply painful. Rather than focusing on how long they lived, acknowledge their importance by saying something like, “They touched many lives, and I know they meant so much to you.”

It can also be better to avoid saying, “I know exactly how you feel.” Even if you have experienced a similar loss, every person’s relationship and grief are different. A more compassionate response may be, “I can’t imagine exactly what you’re going through, but I’m here for you.” This keeps the focus on the grieving person instead of comparing their experience to your own.

Finally, “Everything happens for a reason” can feel cold during a painful moment. Trying to find meaning too quickly may make someone feel as though their grief is being explained away. Instead, simply acknowledge the pain: “This must be incredibly hard. I’m so sorry.” In the end, condolences don’t need to be perfect or profound. A kind presence, a hug, a willingness to listen, or a few honest words can sometimes provide more comfort than any carefully prepared speech.