When a loved one dies, the responsibility of writing an obituary typically falls to close family members. In most cases, these tributes are heartfelt reflections on a life lived, highlighting achievements, cherished memories, and enduring bonds. Obituaries often serve not only as announcements of death but also as lasting records of love, gratitude, and respect. Families generally aim to honor the deceased with warmth and dignity, even when relationships were imperfect. However, not every family chooses to present a gentle or polished narrative. In rare instances, obituaries depart sharply from tradition, becoming vehicles for unresolved pain, complicated histories, and unfiltered honesty. Such was the case with Kathleen Dehmlow’s obituary, written by her adult children and published in The Redwood Falls Gazette. What began as a standard notice of passing soon transformed into a strikingly candid account of family discord, ultimately igniting national debate about grief, truth, and public remembrance.
At first glance, the obituary followed familiar conventions. It listed biographical details, including Kathleen’s birth, family background, and surviving relatives. Readers might have expected a typical progression into fond recollections or expressions of loss. Instead, the tone shifted dramatically as it addressed painful aspects of her past. The authors referenced a decision she had made decades earlier—one that fractured the family and caused long-lasting emotional wounds. Rather than smoothing over this history, the obituary directly confronted it. The most startling element appeared in its final line, which bluntly stated that she “will now face judgment.” This unexpected candor stunned readers. Obituaries are usually reserved for remembrance and reconciliation, not public airing of grievances. The closing remark, stark and uncompromising, challenged social norms about how the dead should be spoken of and left many questioning whether such raw honesty was appropriate in a public forum.
The reaction was swift and intense. Once published, the obituary quickly drew widespread attention online, circulating far beyond the newspaper’s local readership. Social media users shared screenshots and debated its meaning and fairness. Some readers expressed sympathy for the children, arguing that grief is complex and that families should not be forced into false praise. Others criticized the tone as vindictive, contending that an obituary is not the place to settle old scores. As the controversy escalated, The Redwood Falls Gazette removed the obituary from its website. By then, however, the story had gone viral, replicated across countless platforms and news outlets. The attempt to contain the fallout only intensified public curiosity, transforming what might have been a local family matter into a national conversation about the boundaries of public mourning.
In the wake of the uproar, a family member named Dwight spoke publicly to confirm that the obituary was authentic and to offer additional context. He acknowledged that Kathleen had made a serious mistake approximately sixty years earlier, one that profoundly affected her children. According to Dwight, she had expressed remorse for her actions over the years, suggesting that she was not indifferent to the harm caused. He emphasized that everyone carries regrets and that human lives are rarely defined by a single moment. His comments added nuance to the narrative, portraying a woman who may have erred but who also grappled with the consequences of her choices. Nevertheless, the adult children who authored the obituary evidently felt that their pain remained unresolved. For them, the decision to include unfiltered criticism may have represented an attempt to assert their truth and ensure that their experience was not erased from the public record.
The newspaper’s leadership also weighed in on the situation. The CEO of The Redwood Falls Gazette addressed the controversy by explaining that obituaries are generally submitted and paid for by families, and newspapers do not typically censor tone unless content violates legal or ethical standards. He noted that there is no specific legal restriction governing how flattering—or unflattering—an obituary must be. While newspapers strive to maintain professionalism and community standards, they also recognize that obituaries reflect the voices of those who write them. After receiving complaints, the publication reviewed Kathleen’s obituary and ultimately decided to remove it. Ironically, this decision drew even more public interest, highlighting the tension between editorial discretion, free expression, and community expectations. The incident underscored how easily local media can become entangled in broader cultural debates when personal stories resonate widely.
Ultimately, the story of Kathleen Dehmlow’s obituary raises profound questions about memory, forgiveness, and the purpose of public tributes. Obituaries traditionally aim to unify communities in shared remembrance, offering comfort to the bereaved and preserving legacies for future generations. Yet they are also written by human beings with complex emotions, shaped by personal histories that may not align with idealized narratives. In this case, the children’s decision to speak candidly—however controversial—reflected their lived experience. The public’s divided response illustrates the discomfort many feel when private grievances surface in communal spaces. Whether viewed as courageous honesty or unnecessary harshness, the obituary challenged assumptions about what it means to honor the dead. It revealed that grief does not always manifest as gentle praise and that reconciliation is not guaranteed by death. In doing so, it sparked a lasting conversation about truth, accountability, and the complicated ways families remember those they have lost.
