My daughter Sarah sent me a message at 9:45 on a rainy Tuesday night. Her words were short, but they hurt more than I expected: \u201cMom, David and I need real distance from you. Your negativity and constant involvement have become too much. Please don\u2019t contact us anymore.\u201d I read the message three times. I wanted to call her immediately and ask what I had done wrong, but I stopped myself. Instead, I thought about everything I had been doing for Sarah and David. Every month, I was paying their $1,200 mortgage and their $450 car payment. I had also kept their phones on my family plan because they said money was tight. If they wanted distance from me, I decided I would give them exactly that. I canceled the automatic mortgage and car payments and removed their phones from my plan. Then I sent Sarah one simple message: \u201cNo problem. I\u2019ll respect your request. I\u2019ll also stop the payments I\u2019ve been covering.\u201d I didn\u2019t argue. I didn\u2019t threaten her. I simply went to bed.<\/p>\n
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By the next morning, my phone was ringing constantly. Sarah was furious. David demanded to know why I had canceled the mortgage payment. They said they needed \u201cemotional distance,\u201d not financial distance. I calmly reminded them of what Sarah had written the night before. She said they couldn\u2019t afford the mortgage without me. I took a deep breath and replied, \u201cThen perhaps you shouldn\u2019t have asked the person paying it to disappear.\u201d For the first time in years, I didn\u2019t feel responsible for fixing their problem. I had respected my daughter\u2019s request, and now they would have to live with the consequences of their own decision.
\nI took a deep breath and replied, \u201cThen perhaps you shouldn\u2019t have asked the person paying it to disappear\u2026..<\/p>\n
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